people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
