I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The power of my boobs compel you
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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