I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
