if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
