I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
