I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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