drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
