I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
