She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
