We're facebook friends in real life
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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