Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
