Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
