god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
