I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
