Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
