remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
