Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
