Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
