She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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