I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
