I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
