I'm jealous of your bromance
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
