Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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