TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
