You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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