They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
