he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
sick fucks of a feather flock together
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
