i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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