Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
