I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
