i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
