did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
