she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
