her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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