Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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