You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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