Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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