Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
