1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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