I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
my shit smells like andre
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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