Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Randomize
