Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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