Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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