We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
