your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
