Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
