I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
