The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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