Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
