why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
