Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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