just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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