4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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