this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
