what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
